Gene's Blog

Father’s Day

Your Horoscope for JUNE 15, 2008

You have a spiritual side that you don’t often get to express, GENE. But today you could find yourself moved to pray or give thanks for something. The energy of the day is gentle and sweet, encouraging you to open your heart and feel your emotions fully. In doing so, you could realize something about yourself that has been hidden until now. Don’t be afraid of this discovery, as it could lead you forward in positive directions.

Well, they got the first line right anyway. It is true enough that though only part of me I am interested in, really, is the spiritual side, but on that side I feel as frustrated, as stymied, as I do on every other side. This should be, has been, a day of real joy for me in years gone by, losing Brandon, took a lot of the joy out of this day. Worrying about my remaining son seems to have taken the rest of it. He is, has been, going through some very hard times with his health and other things, and worry about him has me on the verge of losing myself. That shouldn’t be as difficult to understand as it sounds, but on this day I feel on the verge of tears, not smiles. I am more than a little worried that this may be my last father’s day with Cisco. There is no part of my life that is not under siege at this time, not what I had hoped for at this age. In a lot of ways, I already feel, as did my maternal grandfather who did not pass until he was 95, that I’ve already seen and done what I came here for and am ready to go back home. I’ve seen enough of what love is not, to appreciate fully a place where love is all there is. This is not that place.

I’ve always admired Tim Russert, who died at my age on Friday past, though I had no idea we were the same age. It seems odd that one who still had so much to give is gone and I who have nothing left but an emptiness inside I cannot shake, remain. The constant question I have of why me? Brings neither answers, nor comfort. I live within and like not what I see there. Life is such a conundrum. Or at least life here is. I think I’ll take Cisco for a walk, though even that I need be careful with, at 12 1/2 he still thinks he can do everything and tries. And I can’t carry him back home, so we won’t wander far. Perhaps a long bike ride this afternoon will clear my mind, feed my soul and restore some balance. Because at the moment I feel I am on a teeter totter and there is no one on the other end. I am hoping most fathers are have a better day.

This from Holiday Mathis whom I see every day. Perhaps some unimagining is in order. That I should be good at…

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). The final count is in. Your stars are claiming that your obstacles are 90 percent imagined. All you have to do is un-imagine them and you’re free to move forward. More good news: that’s as easy as it sounds.

If today brings even one choice your way
choose to be a bringer of the light :^) gene