Gene's Blog

Dreams.

“I thought that dreams belonged to other men
Cause each time I got close, they fall apart again!”

Two lines from a song called Almost Paradise. I’ve told you, here, and on my main site, that jenna often sings to me during the day, in fact, often she begins something as I rise from bed, it will change during the day, sometimes, today it didn’t. Those two lines all morning. Which got me thinking about what I wrote yesterday, or quoted, regarding our ability to realize our waking dreams.

And, so, tonight I want to talk a little in human terms about yesterday’s post, which was more in Godly terms, I suppose one would have to say, than human, considering He, through Neale, did most of the talking. There was once a column that used to run in the St. Paul paper by a man whose name I found on Google, Bob Talbert, called, “things I learned while looking up other things”, for some odd reason I had his name tangled with another man, also long passed on, which I happen to remember because he wrote the first book I ever read about astrology, one I bought and read as a teen – my curiosity knows no boundaries, nor has it ever. :^) I BEGAN reading with a full-sized children’s bible, pictures but lots of text; my favorite story was Daniel in the Lion’s Den, from there I moved on to comic books, giggle. Not such a leap as I look back on it from the perspective I have this day. I guess what I mean to say is that I have always found truth wherever I was, or it found me. That is not to say I believe astrology to be an exact science. Or a science at all, but as God pointed out in book 1, His messages are everywhere – a brief quote, from an earlier post.

Page 5, of book 1, “And so I will continue sending you the same messages over and over again, throughout the millennia and to whatever corner of the universe you occupy. Endlessly will I send you My messages, until you have received them, and held them close, calling them your own.

My messages will come in a hundred forms, at a thousand moments, across a million years. You cannot miss them if you truly listen. You cannot ignore them once truly heard. Thus will our communication begin in earnest. For in the past you have only talked to Me, beseeching Me. Yet now I can talk back to you, even as I am doing here.”

Then, Book 1, page 58: The last paragraph, and the last quote for today too, I didn’t say the last word, that is mine, giggle, and it follows immediately. God says: “So go ahead now. Ask Me anything. Anything. I will contrive to bring you the answer. The whole universe will I use to do this. So be on the lookout. This book is far from My only tool. You may ask a question, then put this book down. But watch. Listen. The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear – all these devices are mine; all these avenues are open to Me, I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you invite Me. I will show you then that I have always been there, All ways.”

So I look at a lot of things, every day, and see what meaning, if any, they might have for me. Ideas can be sparked from anywhere, within as well as without. I pay attention, and there ARE things I see every day, and my jenna knows this, and she does not restrict her communication with me to her voice within me at all. She, too, uses all sort of communication mediums and tools. She sings to me, always the perfect song, the perfect lyric, in just the moment I need hear it, sometimes a very dark moment indeed, but I can hear her through the darkness, perfectly, though I cannot sing a note, she sings things I haven’t heard in years, perfectly in tune. And, she draws my attention to other things, usually things I would have otherwise not noticed, nor paid heed. When I “miss” something, she tends to internally whack me upside the head, until I DO see whatever it is she wants me to see, then we talk, or she does, and gives me an idea, or an application or a possibility. So far, she’s been right. I say so far, because as I’ve said before I do not have a crystal ball, nor do I “see” the future in any way that could be of immediate use – in fact, sadly, quite the opposite. I DO have visions of what is to come here on this planet but those are so far off as to have no meaning to anyone but me and I have no desire to be a modern day Nostradamus, so I will leave behind no predictions. They would be useless anyway because humanity, each and every soul, will write their own scripts for their lives and time, even as do I.

Where I began this thought was with that long ago columnist who wrote about “things I learned while looking up other things”. :^). This could be, should be, my own motto. Because most of my “education” has come about in exactly that way. I call it pulling threads. I start with one idea in mind, find something else interesting along the way, pull that thread, which leads me to something else entirely and soon I am hopelessly lost among the various windows I have opened (the internet makes this WAY too easy – Wikipedia for example, giggle, is a forest of information in which I often find myself lost amongst the trees, fortunately browsers make it easy to find my way back “home”, I don’t have to leave a pile of rocks or mark a red X on any trees to do so, though as I think about it, one of the things I never did while wandering the woods of the farm I grew up was get lost, I always knew where I was in relation to home. And, in all truth, I still do, in many different ways.

I guess, I’m too restless for formal education, giggle. I’m not hyperactive in that way, at least not on the outside, but within, interest never flags, never tires. And I multi-task quite well, I always have, or maybe that is just a short attention span. :^) Anways, so now we come to those two lines that began this :^) In case anyone was wondering whether I was ever coming back to them at all. It is a song Jenna has been playing in my mind all day. She really does do this often, I’ve grown to love it. Which is odd, because I used to just hate it when a song would get stuck in my head as a kid, I grew to loathe some very good songs because of that.

But, of late, I’ve been feeling the way those two lines put it. As if I’m on the cusp of something, and each time I think I’m close to whatever it is that is trying to break loose, the dream falls apart again, like the wisp it was. I love the astronomy pic of the day from NASA (sometime search their archives on the word starbirth – you will be amazed at what you see), yesterdays picture 10/3/2007 Picture of the Day was a little movie of a comet (which as I think of it, looked amazingly like a sperm) racing past the sun and having its tail blown off by a gust of solar wind. Fortunately, or perhaps not, I’m not sure it matters, the comets tail regenerates. But this happens to me too, I feel on the verge of something and whoosh my tail gets blown off, giggle, I guess it regenerates too, or it so far has always anyway, not sure what happens if one day it doesn’t.

They are singing about “waking dreams” but I’m not really sure dreams “belong” to anyone, I certainly don’t experience sleeping dreams, (when I remember them which is VERY rare – for a reason, I’ll probably talk about here someday) as predictive, although perhaps waking dreams are sometimes, or can be, if we choose to create them. Perhaps those dreams are how we create the circumstances of our lives, or fail to do so. Failing to have waking dreams at all is, to me, akin to having ones tail blown off by an existential wind, leaving one for a time, rudderless, like a boat with no pilot slowly circling until it crashes on the shore or its motor runs out of gas.

The question all of this leaves me with is one posed in CWG, do we want to be the cause of our life, or the effect of it? That is the choice we have, that we make each day. Somedays I choose better than others. Maybe the key to leaving a lasting mark on this world, if that is a goal for any of you, is being sure that each day begins with the rudder in your own hand. Easier said than done.

So, why did this come up? Well, I got my copy of Mother Teresa’s book the other day and have started through it. I mentioned in a previous post that I had not much real respect for her until I saw an article on this book. I have always mistrusted, instinctively, religion and those proponents of it who insist every day is gospel and joy, when the evidence of my own existence so clearly demonstrates, to me, that they are blowing smoke because not only do I not see that reflected in the world around me, I don’t believe THEY believe it either, it is just part of the package they are selling.

So, this article, which talked about her doubts and fears and crises of faith, gave me a new respect for her, because I know about long dark nights of the soul as you will have seen from my main site, I’ve spent much of the last 10 years in one of my own. So I felt a kinship with her that nothing I had heard or read before created. I’ve barely made a dent in this book, but my respect for her is growing by the page. The first thing I read as I opened it for the first time was this little quote, sorry about lying about the last quote above, I meant from CWG, :^).

“The impression I got was that I was dealing with a woman who somehow saw God and felt God in the distress of the poor, and a woman who had an incredible faith in light and darkness. She saw the suffering of the Christ, but it was not that she was taken up in ecstasy or things like that – that was not part of her life, although people might be tempted to think that….I really believe the reason Mother Teresa had to undergo so much darkness in her life is that it would bring about a greater identification with the poor.”

Waking dreams are hard to come by and harder to hold on to. But they signify hope and without that, for me, life here is empty. So even though they fall apart on the edge of manifestation, I can retain the ability to choose again each new morning, to rekindle that hope as I move through my day, that this time, maybe this time, the cusp will bring with it not another gust of etheric wind with which to shear my dream from my soul. And perhaps, if by evening the wisp that was my waking dream has once again eluded my grasp, that overnight my tail, my waking dream regrows. So far, most days, that has been true. The darkest of my days in the year following my son’s death, well I survived those, and still hope survives in me, though my experience of faith is no more than Neale’s as described yesterday, weak and wavering.  Still I think, today, perhaps, my own waking dream comes to be. That is what gets me up each morning and through each day. Is that faith, do you think? Or foolishness? Does it matter? It gets me through the day. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Maybe that hope is what we all need to focus on. Maybe if we could all just do that, we could turn the tide on our battered and bloody planet and reverse course for its battered and bloody people. That’s a waking dream worth having, I think. I hasten to say that is NOT the dream I pursue each day that eludes, though surely, it must be part of it in some way. So I am going to keep that faith of the mustard seed, knowing only that I must land and take root to be what I came here to be. That is all that is required of the flowers of the field, why would our creator ask more of us than to take root and bloom? So each day, so far, I choose that. I hope that can be so for you too, each day a fresh waking dream of love and finding your own truth within. Now, tonight, I am going to get much better acquainted with Mother Teresa. much love, :^) gene

If today brings even one choice your way
choose to be a bringer of the light :^) gene