Gene's Blog

I was remiss

Yesterday, I posted about abuse, in conjunction with thousands of other bloggers around the world. I asked people to tell me if they had any cause they wished to have some publicity. And I got a letter from a dear friend and did not publish it. I thought it was something she wished to tell me. But, I was remiss, she wanted her story public. Without names and in such a way as to not actually make it public. No one will find this who could harm her. So she asked me today to do this. To tell her story as it is. And I do so, in hope and in faith, that anyone who reads this and recognizes any part of it, will remain silent no longer. That anyone who recognizes any part of themselves in this story, in any role, will seek help for it. I want people to know, and so does she, that they are NOT alone. They did NOTHING to cause this to happen to them. And that people love them, no matter what happened to them, no matter its repercussions. And I want to emphasize here that events like this reverberate through our lives like echoes that never stop. There is NO end to this, unless WE end it. So here, is this story, in all its sad detail. And I ask anyone reading this, to offer up a healing thought for this young man, and his mother. much love, :^) gene  – I was going to do another post tonight too, but I think this one has to stand on its own.  My own ideas will wait.  This is what is important tonight.

Through the years I think I have told you about the emotional and mental abuse for myself as well as my son. He was abused as a child. It was child abuse. I have suffered extreme depression and anxiety through the years and so has my son. He was sexually abused. The perpetrator was a family member. Even to this day, at the age of 33, he has that constant reminder of his past. There are times when he comes over to visit and relates the whole past to me again and again, and he cries alot even if he is a man with a family, a daughter and a son, and because he has suffered for so many years, I have come to the realization that he will never forget. My son was molested. Even if he was just molested it has put a hole in my son’s life. Because of this, he has had troubles with the law but has been released. I pray so much for my son and this monster that lives in him. He gets jobs and can’t hold on to them for long. He feels as if he is the head of the company and always blows off steam. Therefore, they let him go. He thinks these thoughts I feel because that is the way he thinks of himself so that he feels he is in control. I thought that as the years passed and after countless therapists and counselors, this would have relieved him by now, but it hasn’t. I support any organization that deals with child molestation. I would like you to put this on your blog.

People have to know that even a child molestation, at a very young age, and at the age of 11, when the family member told him he would give him money if he would so a very dirty act on him. Luckily, he was 11 and he ran. For many years, I have blamed myself for this to happen. I had no one to stay with my son, at the age of 11. I had to work tomake a living. The only one I could count on was my mother. She offered to stay with my son while I worked across the street, two blocks away.

The family member I am talking about lives with my mom and dad. Not to get into any details, he managed to let my son watch cartoons in his room. My parents were very caucious, but were not very caucious. I trusted my mom and after that, I couldn’t leave him there while he was young. I had to find someone else who had no other person living with her and I felt so confident with this person to leave my son with her so I could work. She was great. He took a moment, when my mom was very busy in the kitchen to say these things to my child. Being that he was 11 and I cautioned him about not being around this family member alone, he was still a child. He ran to my office and as soon as I saw him at the door, which I had to buzz him in to get in, I immediately knew, in my heart, that something terrible had happened. He didn’t get to hurt my son luckily but, when he was a child at the age of 2, I was so naive to the world. I lost my husband and I almost lostmy sanity and to this day, I feel depression and anxiety and, worries about who he might hurt next. At this time, I called an organization that had to do with child abuse and my family member actually stated that what he said to my son was true. He didn’t deny it. He was let go on no bail but had to go to court and so did I with my son. NO ONE, in my family, went with me that day and as I sat, on that bus, suddenly my family member walked into the same bus and sat right behind me. He started saying, “I hope that I don’t have to go to jail and I didn’t hurt him”, and all I could do was be strong for my son.

After the judge saw my family member, he gave this person five years probation and jail if he ever touched another child. My son kept asking me, on the bus, “Mommy, why didn’t they put my family member in jail”. To this day, I still hate that judge. I felt he needed to be put away. My family member has two sons and they stay at the family member’s home on the weekends which is my parents home. My sister adopted them and feels that the children will not be hurt. I often think,”what if”. But, it has been 31 years and there has been no problems arising from his past. But, that doesn’t condone what he did to my child and to me and to my family. My siblings never took their children to my parent’s house when they were young and now that they have become adults and have children of their own, they do not bring the children to the house of my parents except on specific dates such as mother’s day and father’s day. When they do, they have their children veryclose to them. We found out, in the past, when all this happened, that this family member was on very heavy drugs and this person did not know what he was doing at the time it happened. He doesn’t remember the details but he did know because this family member acknowledge it to my mother.

This is why I am also an advocate for Alcohol and Drug Addiction and what it can do to a person and how it destroyed my family. My son’s lack of self esteem will always remain with him but I pray for him. He tells me that the only way that he would forget is if this family member were to die. We are all a loving family and a Godly family. I must see my mom and dad because they are older and need my help and, in doing this, I have to constantly run into this person. My familymember will often say, “Oh! you came to visit and he hugs me and kisses my cheek”. Being a Godly person, I have forgiven him, but I will never forget. I try to stay clear of him but I can’t because of my parents who I love dearly. This family member has been treated for schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder since this occurred 31 years ago.

I will never condone what he did to my son and the rage inside of my person grows more and more especially when my son repeats it to me over the years.

I consider this a tragedy. This person ruined my family. He destroyed the confidence I have in men. He destroyed my son and I lost my family. I lost my husband. I have been alone for many years. God blessed me with a wonderful man for seven years but at the end of this relationship we had to say goodbye because he was lying to me. I look for happiness and I feel like I am not blessed with the kind of man I want to have in my life. Yes, I feel that 31 years ago, confidence, hate, anger and all the other words I want to add, have and are still in my life. I know that God will help me and my son and he has been helping me. I was a single mother trying to do what I can for my son and to this day, I consider myself as a good mother even though he is now an adult. Being an adult does not take away your childhood fears.

I would you to share this with others and please do not mention my name (I know you won’t).